The Awakening…It’s Just Life Happening

A time comes in your life when you finally get it..when in the midst of all your fears and insanity you stop dead in your tracks and soemwhere the voice inside your head cries out-ENOUGH!!!  Fighting and crying or struggling to hold on.  And, like a child quieting down after a blind tantrum, your sobs begin to subside, you shudder once or twice, you blink back your tears and through a mantle of wet lashes you begin to look at the world through new eyes.

You realize it’s time to stop hoping and waiting for something to change or for happiness, safety and security to come galloping over the next horizon.  You come to terms with the fact that he is not Prince Charming and you are not Cinderella and in the real world there aren’t always fairy tale endings (or beginnings for that matter) and that any garantee of “happily ever after” must begin with you and in the process a sense of serenity is born of acceptance.

You awaken to the fact you are not perfect and not everyone will always love, appreciate or approve of who or what you are…and that’s ok.  (They are entitled to their opinions) And you learn the importance of loving and championing yourself and in the process a state of new found confidence is born of self approval.

You stop complaining and blaming other people for the things they did to you (or didn’t do for you) and you learn that the only thing you can really count on is the unexpected.  You learn that people don’t always say what they mean or mean what they say and not everyone will always be there for you and that it’s not always about you.  So, you learn to stand on your own and to take care of yourself and in the process a sense of safety and security is born of self-reliance.

You stop judging and pointing fingers and you begin to accept people as they are, and to overlook their shortcomings and human frailties, and in the process a sense of peace and contentment is born of forgiveness.  You realize that much of the way you view yourself, and the world around you, is as a result of all the messages and opinions hat have been ingrained into your psyche.  And you begin to sift through all the things you’ve been fed about how much you should weigh, what you should wear, and where you should shop, and what you should drive, how and where you should live, and what you should do for a living, who youshould sleep with, who you should marry, and what you should expect of marriage, the importance of having or raising children and what you owe your parents.

You learn to open up to new worlds and different points of view. And you begin reassessing and redefining who you are and what you really stand for.  You learn th difference between wanting and needing and you begin to descard the doctrines and values you’ve outgrown, or should never have bought into in the first place and in the process you learn to go with your instincts.

You learn it is truly in giving that we receive. And there is power and glory in creating and contributing and you stop maneuvering through life merely as a “consumer” looking for your next fix.  You learn principals such as honesty and integrity are not the outdated ideals of a by-gone era but the mortar that holds together the foundation upon which you must build a life.  You learn you don’t know everything, it’s not your job to save the world.  You learn to distinguish between guilt and responsibility and the importance of setting boundries and learning to say NO.  You learn the only cross to bear is the one you choose to carry and that martyrs get burned at the stake.

Then you learn about love.  Romantic love and familial love.  How to love, how much to give in love, when to stop giving and when to walk away.  You learn not to project your needs or yor feelings onto a relationship.  You learn you will  not be more beautiful, more intelligent, more lovable or important because of the man or woman on your arm or the child that bears your name.

You learn to look at relationships as they really are and not as you would have them be.  You stop trying to control people, situations and outcomes.  You learn just as people grow and change so it is with love..and you learn you don’t have the right to demand love on your terms…just to make you happy.

You learn that alone does not mean lonely…and you look in the mirror and come toterms iwth the fact you will never be a perfect 10 and you stop trying to  compete with the image inside your head and agonizing over how you “stack up.”

You also stop working so hard at putting your feelings aside, smoothing things over and ignoring your needs.  You learn feelings of entitlement are perfectly OK…and that it is your right to want things and to ask for the things you want…and that sometimes it is necessary to make demands.

You come to the realization you deserve to be treated with love, kindness, sensitivity and respect and you won’t settle for less.  And, you allow only the hands of a lover who cherishes you to glorify you with her or his touch..and in the process you internalize the meaning of self-respect.

And you learn your body really is your temple.  And you begin to care for it and treat it with respect.  You begin eating a balanced diet, drinking more water and taking time for more exercise.  You learn fatigue diminishes the spirit and can create doubt ad fear.  So you take more time for rest.  And just as food fuels the body, laughter fuels the soul.  So you take more time to laugh and to play.

You learn, that for the most part, in life you get what you believe you deserve…and that much of life truly is a self-fulfilling prophecy.

You lean anything worth achieving is worth working for and wishing for something to happen is very differnt from working towards making it happen.  More importantly, you learn in order to achieve success you need direction, discipline and perserverance.  You also learn no one can do it all alone and that it’s OK to risk asking for help.

You learn the only thing you must truly fear is the great robber baron of all time-FEAR itself.  You learn to step right into and through your fears because you know whatever happens you can handle it and to give into fear is to give away the right to live life on your terms.  And you learn to fight for your life and not to squander it living under a cloud of impending doom.  You learn life isn’t always fair, you don’t always get what you think you deserve and soemtimes bad things happen to unsuspecting, good people.  On these occasions you learn not to personalize things.  You learn no one is punishing you or failing to answer your prayers.  It’s just life happening.

And you learn to deal with evil in it’s most primal state- the ego.

You learn negative feelings such as anger, envy, resentment must be understood and redirected or they will suffocate the life out of you and poison the universe that surrounds you.  You learn to admit when you are wrong and to buliding bridges instead of walls.

You learn to be thankful and to take comfort in many of the simple things we so often take for granted, things that millions of people upon the earth can only dream about: a full refrigerator, clean running water, a soft warm bed, a long hot shower.

Slowly, you begin to take responsibility for yourself by yourself and you to make yourself a promise to never betray yourself and to never ever settle for less than your heart’s desire.  And you hang a wind chime outside your window so you can listen to the wind.  And you make a point to keep smiling, to keep trusting, and to stay open to every wonderful possibility.  Finally, with courage in your heart and with faith by your side you take a stand, you take a deep breath and you begin to design the life you want to live as best as you can.

Source Unknown

As ol’ Hank would say…Mind your own buisness & ; you won’t have time to worry about mine!

Oh where to begin on this…I guess I should start by pointing out the whole point of a blog is for someone to write what they feel, see, percieve, believe at the time.  When someone writes something about a particular circumstance that is going on in their lives at any given moment in time, it doesn’t neccessarily mean that’s how they will always feel or see things later.  It’s about moments in time.  Life experiences.  The people who share our life experiences or maybe only see our lives from the outside looking in.  This post is about those who see our lives from the outside looking in.

My life, is my life.  No one but me will ever know what my life is really like on any given day.  My friends and loved ones may know aspects of my daily life but they will never know what it’s truly like to be me.  Just as I will never know what it is truly like to be them.  We all have our shortcomings and we all have our attributes.  We have our own personal struggles and triumphs.

Sometimes in life, we find the best of friends in the most unexpected people and sometimes we find enemies in people we have never even met.

Something I have wrote about a few times before is people feeling entitled to say things about me or my life when they have never even met me.  It’s really quite sad.  There are so many constuctive things you could be doing with your time why spend so much of it worrying about someone you have never even met?  Do people like this really believe it is any of thier business what I do, how I live, how I earn a living, what house I live in or what my future plans are?  I couldn’t tell you what half the people I know do for a living, how much they earn or what house/s they have or don’t have, let alone the people I don’t know.  What seems to make these types of people think they are an expert on my life or circumstances?

Life is funny.  Some days can be so damn hard to get through you wonder if you will make it the next day and others breeze by and you wonder what happened to the day.  There’s a quote I have hanging in my office that I love and try to live by.. “Most people don’t know there are angels whose only job is to make sure you don’t get too comfortable and fall asleep and miss your life.”  For me, this qoute means that a person should stay focused in thier own life and be present.  Don’t spend so much time being so comfortable with your current situation that you miss out on what’s happening now.  Life can change in an instant and your whole world can be turned in a different direction.  I guess for me, I chose to spend my days worrying about my own life, direction, purpose, relationships, animals, home and finances.  For worrying about someone elses, just seems like it would be all too easy to get too comfortable, fall asleep and miss my own.

Focused & Fabulous,

Jamie

Love this one

“My sunshine does not come from the skies, it comes from the love in my animals eyes.”

The “F” word

After MANY conversations lately about the implications of the “F” word, I thought I’d delve a little into the topic of cursing and what it really means.  Now days, it’s pretty prevelent to hear people utter four letter words in all sorts of areas of conversations, social settings, in the media, venues, places of employment and relationships.  Its rare when you can turn on the TV and not hear someone use some type of profanity.  It seems it’s not just for arguments anymore.  It’s becoming more and more common place to hear those infamous four letter words in everyday conversations.   Question is:  The more someone hears them and is exposed to them, does it make us more likely to incert them into our own vocabulary?  Does it somehow make us desensitized to what most of us used to consider offensive?  Have we accepted that this is now part of our culture and daily jargon? 

I must say, this has been the topic of discussion the past couple months.  I suppose, I’m looking for some feedback from all of you and your opinions on the implicatons of using the “F” word, if any.   I think everyone would agree there are times/places that cursing is just inappropriate.  Perhaps, in the presense of certain people or children, ect..  But where do we draw that fine line?  After talking to many people about the subject, I’ve drawn the conclusion that as times change people are less uptight about issues such as these because there are so many bigger issues to worry about.  That cursing, perhaps once taboo, is now much more common place.  People view a lot of this language as a means to express feelings and not so much as a personal attack. 

Food for thought…

It’s a “ruff life”

It’s a ruff life…well, it can be but the best part about life is learning to round that corner into something promising.  Things have been good around the ranch..lot’s of animals and babies.  Things seem to be getting a little more busy which is always good:)

Things on the mountain have settled down a bit too, which is a nice change.  Everyone seems to be settling down into their own lives and progress seems to be on the horizon. 

It’s a beautiful morning and so I’m not going to spend too much time here..but promise to come back real soon.  After all, I have some beautiful horses, dogs, piggies and lots of other little critters outside waiting for me to come out and play:)

Until next time,

Jamie

Life, Rumors & Barbie

Hmm…where to begin..  It’s been a little while since I’ve written.  I guess because, I’ve been busy for one thing, and secondly because I’m sad about somethings.  People mostly, I suppose.  You  know, ever since I was little girl I have worked hard.  My dad called me his little entreprenuer when I started my first endeavor at around 5 years old with “Joes Rock Shop”  (my dad nicknamed me Joe) where I sold petrified wood I would find off of my little blue smurf table at the end of our long dirt road.  I have always had a job whether it was reading water meters, shoveling horse manure at a local ranch, waitressing, wrenching on bikes with my dad in his custom motorcycle shop, writing my column, all the way through modeling and building various businesses.  I have never taken for granted the value of hard work.  It’s interesting & equally appalling to me that because of the way I look, people want to assume the worst about me, my work ethic or how I got my success.  Today, I heard that there is apparently another rumor going around about me within the horse community that I was an ex porn star.  Yes, you heard me right, porn star.  Now, I don’t have anything against porn stars and I’m a Republican and I beleive as long as your earning a living and not asking me to pay for it, I’m A-ok with whatever means you chose to put food on your table.  However, I have never been involved in porn nor would I be.  I have worked very hard to be where I am today and my background in modeling is something I’m quite proud of.  It is what afforded me to travel much of the world and meet many of the nice people I’ve met along the way and taught me a whole lot about life, business and myself. 

Now, I understand that jealousy is involved with most of these vicious rumors and people will always think what they want to think and say what they want to say.  But as one of my favorite quotes says “Hating me, will never make you prettier.” 

I now have the ranch I’ve always wanted and I’m blessed enough to be able to wake up every morning doing what I love to do, which is take care of animals.  But, after a conversation with my neighbor today who told me about some of the “rumors” going around in the horse community such as “Don’t board at that barbies facility!  She was an ex porn star!” or “I don’t want my husband up there at her place!” ect…I thought I would write a little bit about how I’m feeling about this whole thing, if for no other reason than just getting it off my chest.  “Barbie” aka me, isn’t going anywhere!  Ladies, trust me when I say, I don’t want your husbands!  If I wanted one, I’d have one!  I have never been, nor will I ever be a porn star!  Google is an amazing tool!  Try it.  Jamie Frontz, in case your lost up to this point…barbie is only a rumor 🙂 And should you come across any porn sites claiming I’m on them, take a minute and look at the other names of folks they say are on their sites, like Oprah, Naomi Campbell, Brittney Spears, the list goes on and on, but you never actually see these people in the photos do you?  Exactly, because they aren’t in them and neither am I. 

I was recently selected to as Vice Chairperson on the Lower Kyle Canyon CAC and also recently found out that a certain someone isn’t too happy about that & trying to make trouble for me there too.  It’s funny, but I assume these people have lives, families, friends, and horses to take care of, yet they seem to have so much time to be worried about what I’m up to.  A little advice, focus on your own life and business and maybe, just maybe you wouldn’t have to be so worried about a little competition because you would be at the top of your own game 🙂

If you want to go though your life beleiving everything you hear that’s on you.  But if you choose not to board your horse at my ranch because of bullshit rumors then, I’m afraid that’s your loss and your horse’s unfortunatley.  My ranch and the care given to the animals here, speak for itself and if you bothered to tour it you would see that for yourself.  The old adage “Don’t judge a book by it’s cover” could never be more true than when it comes to me.  I may look like a Barbie, but I’ve never been afraid to get my hands dirty and work hard.  There is nothing in the world that I love more than I love my animals.  I sleep fine at night, because I know who I am.  I know what’s in my heart, what I stand for,that I’m honest and that my character is strong.  There is always going to be someone prettier, someone richer, someone poorer, ect..Life if what you make it.  All I’m trying to do, is live mine.  I’d really appreicate it, if people would let me do that.  Life if tough enough, especially in these trying economic times.  I’m just trying to survive and make a living just like everyone else in the world.  I don’t claim to know everything, and Lord knows I’m learning a lot of things as I go.  Isn’t that what life is about?  Doing what you can to be the best person you can be and hoping to touch some lives in a postive manner along the way.  Do you really think that starting ugly rumors, trying to cause trouble and being slanderous is all you have to offer the world?  If so; I’d say your a whole lot worse off than me.

Honestly,

Jamie

Funny thing about life…

Just sitting here on the couch snuggling with all my furry babies tonight (Friday night) yes, I know I’m sure your all thinking..; “Really, she’s sitting at home on a Friday night?”  But the answer is yes.  Most Friday nights this exactly where you would find me.  I opened a nice bottle of wine and poured myself a nice tall glass and sat down to relax for the first time today, surrounded by my all my dogs and my pot bellied pig Cinderella.  I get SO bored with Las Vegas.  I get SO bored with the same ol’ same ol’ and the same men delivering the same cheesy lines and everyone wearing the exact same thing and going the exact same places.  I just find my dogs and my pig and all my other animals SO much more entertaining and enjoyable.  They are so genuine and there is nothing in the world better than that.

I guess, I’m feeling a little sentimental.  Sad, maybe.  I’m wondering if all this planning and all this hard work and all this heartache has actually lead me to the place I’m supposed to be or somewhere else entirely.  Growing up, my dad used to tell me to work hard and that I could get anything I wanted and acheive any thing I set my mind on.  Well, I’ve worked hard my whole life and right now, things just feel hard.  They feel pressured.   Like I’m pushing and pushing for something that maybe isn’t meant to be mine.   Funny thing is, that now days my dad says “Joe, (my dad calls me Joe), why do you want that big house all by yourself?”  or “Joe, you know your never going to get married if you are always a step ahead or if you live in this big ol’ house.”  It’s like now that I’ve done exactly what I’ve always thought I was supposed to do, now I’m too far to the other side.  Damned if I do, damned if I don’t.  Why is this?  What is this about? 

I have spent my entire life trying to make my parents happy and make them proud of me, that I have forgotten what it is that I really want.  The sad part is, that no matter what I do, it isn’t going to be good enough.  Maybe dad, I’m just not the marrying kind.  My whole life has been nothing but a string of bad relationships and men who were not good for me..perhaps not good enough for me.  I don’t know anymore.   Truthfully, I don’t even know what I’m rambling on about right now.  I guess, I just needed an outlet to vent. 
There is a quote I really like…it goes like this.. “How can a woman be expected to be happy with a man who insists on treating her as if she were a perfectly normal human being.”  Love that.  Maybe that’s my problem.  Maybe I see myself as this super human, super woman who is not a “normal person.”  I feel like I am destined to be something wonderful, and make this huge difference or impact.  Ever since I was a little girl, I have believed this.  Deep down in my soul, in my gut, I believe that what I am doing will make a difference. 

When times are tough, like now.  The economy is so bad, that its depressing at best and everyday feels like a struggle I sometimes question if this is where I’m supposed to be.  I remember the good ol’ days of feeling like money grew on trees.  Spending 50k shopping at Neimans seemed like the average day and now some months it’s tough to just pay bills.  It’s funny to look back and wonder what life would have been like then, if I had only known what I know now.  If somehow, God had trusted me with the knowledge I have now at 32, back when I was 27.  

I know, it’s politically incorrect to talk politics or religion or any of the other taboo topics but being how this is MY blog, I figure I can blab about what ever the hell I want and if y’all don’t like it you can go to someone else’s site right?  🙂  So here’s the deal, it’s no secret that I’m a Republican.  I am fairly conservative when it comes to most politics.  To say I’m disappointed in our country and the way things are going is a vast understatement.  It’s just flat out scary.  I miss the days when it felt like being an American and being Patriotic stood for something.  Can I just say, what the hell happened to our Constitution?  Does no one remember that that is the foundation for which our nation was built? 

Okay, I’m a little tipsy and its probably for the best if I sign off… 🙂 

Until next time…
Jamie…Joe…or whatever other names are floating around

Possible Reality Show…

Not sure what I think about having my life on tv…I mean, I’ve been there before yes…but ALL OF IT, is kinda scary!  Anyhoo….
It’s in the works for my ranch and so we shall see what happens…

xoxo

Friend or Foe

Just when you think you know someone… Long story short..

I met this girl about 8 or 9 months ago through a mutual friend of mine and she too was in the horse community.  So right away we hit it off and became “friends.”  Or so I thought.  From the beginning, I knew she was not the most responsible individual I had ever come across as she was in her 40’s and single mom and been married/divorced more times then I can remember, rented her house that she allowed to be just trashed by her dogs.  Struggling with money and her job… I’m sure you know the type.

But being the Cancer that I am, I saw her good qualities and liked her.  I thought she had just hit some hard times and I enjoyed spending time with her.  Soon after, she met a guy who was always causing drama in her life and they broke up and got back together I don’t even know how many times.  Well, sad ending to a long story he ended up committing suicide the last time they broke up (about a month ago).  Of course she was devastated and started to go about making the funeral arrangements but didn’t have the “means” to pay for it and his family claimed to not have it either.  Being me, I wanted to help.  I felt bad for her and so I said I would pay for it and she could pay me back when she worked it out with his family and got his last check.  Well, let’s just say she never even bothered to ask his family for the money and STILL has yet to even make an attempt to pay back the 4k she owes me. 
To add insult to injury, the night of the funeral everyone came back to my house for a BBQ that of course, I payed for and cooked and her son and his friends took my General Lee Polaris Ranger (brand new) 12k vehicle and rolled it!  Yes, rolled it.  When I said, they would need to have it fixed she got mad at me and took her son and his friends and left without so much as goodbye or an I’m sorry.  As though that wasn’t enough they stole several sweaters from my tack room in the process!

When I called her and asked what she planned on doing to repay me and repair the General Lee and bring back my sweaters she called me a “material bitch” and said that if I wanted my stuff I could send the cops over to get it.  Now, I like to think I’m a pretty fair person and a good friend.  I tried to do something nice for someone and totally got screwed.  Had she even acted half way decent about the situation or half way grateful for what I had done for them maybe I would have let it go…which even that I know to most people sounds crazy in itself.  But truthfully, I probably would have.  But now, it’s just principal.  It’s the fact that this ungrateful, whitetrash girl took advantage of the whole situation.  So now, I have been forced to deal with it and get my attorney involved.

Funny enough, she claims I only paid for the funeral to “hold it over her head”…yeah because I totally got so much out of doing that!  LOL  Not only am I out a good chunk of change, we are no longer friends…so what exactly may I ask would anyone have gotten out of doing what I did merely to hold it over someones head and why? 

Well, make a long story shorter, I’ll just say that now I know why she lives the life she does and is always in the position she is in.  People like that will always be “trash” for lack of a better word.

Life on the ranch…

Wow!  Where to begin…I guess I can start by saying how truly blessed I feel to wake up everyday to do what I love and spend time with those I love most. 

Things are moving along, somtimes a little slower than I’d like with building permits, construction, landscaping, fencing, ect..When I started this process I knew it wasn’t going to be easy and I knew there would be days I would want to throw my hands up in the air and quit.  I’m not going to say I havne’t had those days but most days I just accept that I can’t control everything (even though I’d like to) and I can’t do it all by myself.  Building this ranch has taken so much time, money, sweat, laughter and tears.  There have been several people in particular who have been here from the beginning helping me to reach my dream and to encourage me to get back up and try again when I feel like giving up.   In additon to those special individuals, I have to accredit all my furry peoples who motivate me each and every day to be a better person and to stop sometimes and just smell the roses. 

I’m sort of in the home strech now and starting to wake up and look outside and see it all starting to come together..which I must say, is VERY exciting!  I’ve had a lot of curve balls thrown my way over the last year but somehow I’ve managed to come around 3rd base and I’m headed for home…

xoxo

Jamie